I’ve forgotten how to do this.
Hello, internet! I’ve missed you. I’ve consumed you, sure, but I haven’t contributed in… an embarrassingly long time.
I’ll be honest with you. I have not been too… good. There’s been a lot of things happening (shameless plug of my friend’s adorable and great comic about depression -point point point-) that have been getting me thinking, rethinking, and pondering on those thoughts endlessly while also having a lot of life happening around it all.
I haven’t been any kind of creative, and I’m ashamed of it. On the other hand my professional life -or working life?- has been leading to some pretty cool things.
Long story short, I’m loving my life at the moment, but I’m really sad about my lack of drawing. I want to change that. If you want a sad story to read feel free to read more! If not, no worries! Stick around as long as you like and come back whenever you’d like!
Something I never really expressed online, that most of my childhood friends and closest family knew about me was my love of dogs. Moving to Bellingham Washington knowing no one for some reason gave me the push to finally volunteer and get some hands on experience in working with dogs. I volunteered with a local foster program and got 4 years of wonderful exposure and practice in handling all kinds of dogs, and that lead me to working at Petco where I got even more, and even (through some persistance and frustration) finally got to work as a dog trainer. Within the last 6 months of my living in Bellingham and not knowing where I was going to end up with my fiance, but knowing we were probably leaving Washington I ended up finding work with a local dog training school and daycare and taught evening dog training classes during the week. I was estatic. The environment was great, I was learning so much more than I thought, and I got to meet some wonderful people and their wonderful dogs!
And then we had to move.
I’m not gonna lie. Moving to Bellingham hit me harder than I ever thought it would. I spiraled into a deep dark place within the first year and it wasn’t until my last year that I finally got professional help. The only reason that even happened was because I was in a car accident, and I got some money from the whole thing and finally felt I could afford to see a psychologist.
It took me until I got hit by a literal car and had ridiculous amounts of extra money (in my eyes) before I finally felt like I could buy this help. With budgeting I probably could have made the effort to seek help much sooner. The fun thing about depression is it talks you out of a lot of things, and generally makes you wanna give in to the easier options. Like pizza, expensive pizza, and cheap pizza instead of actually figuring out why you only care about anything when that anything is pizza.
My lack of drawing seemed to be connected to my love of comics. I seemed to stop enjoying anyone elses comics. I got angry easily seeing any art I used to look up to. I didn’t know I was angry at the time, but -and I digress- therapy lead me to realize how hard of a time I actually had with acknowledging that I was angry.
I would (and am trying to stop) just browse twitter and tumblr furiously just plowing through not really focusing on anything. I skimmed through it like I’d already seen it before, forgetting it as soon as it was off the screen.
I met some wonderful people while I was there, but found reasons not to contact them, or do much with them outside of the occasional visit to a drawing group where I had met them initially. I came so sporadically, and yet I acted so familiar to them. I was so happy to see them, and yet put no effort into being their friend. There was one person I met who I’m glad to know. We tabled together at a couple of local conventions, and had a lot of art discussions. I like that. They also got to meet an old high school manga/art friend of mine who I got to reconnect with by living with her and her wonderfully derpy cat for a year.
I’m still fighting through a lot of the above. Mindlessly consuming the internet and getting angry at my lack of art. I’ve had more than I can count amounts of “HI INTERNET I’M BACK” posts only to be followed by nothing.
On a positive note: I thought that the move to Boston would be rough as well. Color me surprised it’s been going fairly well! I got a job within a couple of weeks of moving here and end my training this week! Being a little closer to some conventions that I’ve wanted to go to as well as the first I ever attended sounds pretty good to me!
Thanks for reading. Please, stay as long as you’d like and if you’d like to stick around I welcome you!
Talk to you later!